I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
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