it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
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