there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
