pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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