i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
bring money and cleavage
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
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