Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
Randomize
