okay pat passed out under dana's car
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
Why is there bacon in the couch?
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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