I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
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