Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
