She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
Randomize
