Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
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