oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
we made out on top of his cat.
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
Randomize
