remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
Randomize
