He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
