Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
Randomize
