i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
Randomize
