Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
