Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
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