i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
