your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Randomize
