I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Randomize
