My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
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