Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
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