Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
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