His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
And then the night went full on bisexual.
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
