Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
