i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
what the fuck happened to the tacos
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