Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
Randomize
