i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
