I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
