mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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