If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
Randomize
