so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
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