The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
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