I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
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