Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
And then my night got REAL pukey
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
i out mim tonsoeep
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