Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
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