Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
