Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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