k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
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