I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
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