take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
