Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
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