she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
