wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
Randomize
