at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
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