All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
She told me I should be a condom model.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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