what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Randomize
