Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Randomize
