you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
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