i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
